agilman Blog Posts

Suggestions For Josh Becketts Back

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 16:54:59 PDT

Avoiding the news about Josh Beckett’s back has become something of a pastime lately. It's kind of like going to the doctor: even though you know it's irresponsible, you find yourself putting it off, as if not knowing somehow means there can't be anything wrong with you. Of course, that's the line of reasoning that ends with you figuring out that you've had Bolivian Gonnorhea since your semester abroad in 2003, or in this case, finally breaking down and reading the following headline: " Beckett to Miss Japan MLB Opener." That's bad news for Red Sox fans- Josh Beckett is clearly the most important player for the Boston Red Sox, particularly this year. Curt Schilling is a year closer to death (or a long retirement of online videogames and spongebathing a drooling John McCain), nobody knows what to expect out of wunderkind Clay Buchholz, Courageous Survivor Jon Lester (or CSJL) or giant robot from the future Daisuke Matsuzaka, and many of our favorite position players are aging rapidly enough that their annually gaudy stats should, at the very least, not be taken for granted (Mike Lowell, welcome back, but we're looking at you).

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Citizens of Boston Hide Your Cheeseburgers

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 12:08:08 PST

That's right, the artist formerly known as Bartolo Colon has indeed been signed to a minor-league contract by your Boston Red Sox. "Bartolo Colon," you say, "isn't he that fat guy with no rotator cuff?" Well, admittedly, yeah, he's that guy, as well as the guy who has a 7-13 record over the last two years. However, as we all know, hope springs eternal in Red Sox Nation. After all, we're talking about a man who only two seasons ago won both the Cy Young Award and the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, a dual accomplishment that even noted hot dog lover Curt Schilling has yet to pull off. Besides, as Hell Yes, Guy! (hellyesguy.blogspot.com) has so well pointed out in their article that already makes all the points I wanted to make, the deal is a win

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The Aftermath

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:05:08 PST

Well, things seemed pretty good for a while, didn't they? And, of course, for the rest of the world, that was the "best super bowl ever" (I guess people are so souped to watch my Pats go down that they're willing to overlook a lethargic, ugly first half of a game). And yeah, I've seen the gracious Boston fans, tipping their hats to the New York Giants, giving credit where (admittedly) credit is due, and all those hallmarks of grace and cordiality. But then I remembered: I'm from Boston. It's not really our style. So, yeah, I'm bitter. I'm bitter that we had a chance to seize the title of Best Team of All Time, to grab Mercury Morris and Don Shula and the rest of the insufferable '72 Dolphins by the throat and tell them to Shut The Hell Up Forever, that we could have cemented a true football dynasty in an era where such a thing is supposed to be impossible. Now? 16-0 doesn't matter so much as 18-1, and any discussion of the Greatness of the '07 Patriots is followed with a "Yeah, but..." And Giants fans- this isn't about you, so don't take it personally. You're World Champs because you won the game. Noone can take that away from you, and I'm not even trying. But I'm also not about to sit here and say that I'm happy for you, either. No, it's time to pull a Belichick: scowl, pout, frown, and own this loss. Own the pain of blowing a game you could have won. Own the humiliation that comes from knowing that you scoffed at the rest of the world who was rooting against you, just to prove them all right. Because if you really own it, then maybe the next time you get to that precipice, you'll do things just a little bit differently. At the end of the day, we can throw all the platitudes and sportsmanship aside, and call this one like it is. It was always about us against the haters. It was always about shoving it in their faces. And, most importantly, it was always about 19-0. And we didn't get it done.

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MVP MVP

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:31:47 PST

The Pro Bowl selections will be announced today, and it probably won’t come as too big of a surprise that a certain gentleman from the New England Patriots will be heading the list. Yes, it’s finally Tom Brady’s year, and if the rest of the country is (perhaps justifiably) sick of Tom Terrific and his band of overachievers, New Englanders remain ecstatic. It makes sense, of course; Brady is that guy in high school that lettered in three sports and still had a 4.0, a lead in the musical, and spent the weekends volunteering at the homeless shelter. The stain of CameraGate doesn’t touch him, and it’s his, well, perfection that seems to bother the haters more than anything else. And that perfection is gaining historical impact, as well: Brady, though slowing down, is still on track to break Peyton “Cornbread” Manning’s season records for touchdowns and passer rating, perhaps earning perfect citizen Randy Moss a touchdown record of his own in the process. Not only will this be a significant accomplishment on its own, but it may also help put to rest the Brady vs. Manning debate that has raged on between people of all affiliations with a surplus of free time. As most NFL fans are undoubtedly aware, Peyton has traditionally held the gaudy numbers, while Brady has won the championships. With last years’ dreadful Super Bowl, the positions have shifted. Peyton has a ring, and Brady, for once, has a high-powered receiving corps that is allowing him to make the most of his abilities. What’s particularly illuminating about this swap is the seeming revelation that although Brady is capable of most of the things usually credited to Manning as advantages: reading defenses, adjusting plays, making big throws; it seems that he still holds the edge in mental toughness, poise, composure, and all of those intangibles that separate the great quarterbacks from, well, Jeff George. This isn’t to say Peyton Manning is Jeff George, of course, he’s a future Hall-Of-Famer for sure and a hell of a player. Nevertheless, I see a degree of greatness that separates the two, with Brady holding the edge. As the season winds it way towards the record books, New England Patriots fans can rest easy knowing that they have not only a team, but a quarterback, with a unique place in history.

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Jets II The Reckoning

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 12:07:29 PST

On December 16th, 1916, the “Mad Monk” Gregori Rasputin was assassinated in Russia. As the story goes, he was poisoned, shot, stabbed, shot again, beaten, shot a third time, set on fire, impaled, drowned, shot, and then given a really nasty papercut. It’s seemingly appropriate, therefore, that on the same day 101 years later Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots will attempt to recreate much the same level of punishment on his former manboy Eric Mangini and the New York Jets. As most of the world now knows, the so-called Mangenius’ biggest accomplishment of the year was snitching out the Patriots to the NFL after the first game of the season for videotaping defensive signals. If Mangini’s goal was to both turn himself into a pariah among the NFL coaching fraternity and enrage the Patriots into humiliating every opponent they play, mission accomplished. Ask the Redskins, who probably couldn’t have been beaten any worse if 97-year old Joe Gibbs had decided to play quarterback himself. Yes, the Baltimore Ravens gave the Pats a good game, but with all due respect to former U. Miami Student-Athlete Jonathan Vilma, the Jets defense is not that of the Ravens. No, every sign points to this one turning out like an episode of Oz, with Belichick playing the role of Adibisi. In other words, you might not want to let the kids see this one. That said, this is football. You’d never have thought the Philadelphia Eagles would have given the Patriots the game that they did, let alone the Ravens. Still, if I were a betting man (which I am), I would bet on this one ending ugly. The Patriots are a proud team, and the SpyGate incident has, if nothing else, raised the argument that their vast and impressive accomplishments are potentially less than legitimate. On Sunday, look for the Pats to answer that accusation with some authority.

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The Mitchell Report

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:33:43 PST

There's not really much room for debate about the top story in Major League Baseball today. Senator Mitchell has released his much ballyhooed report on the scale and effect of steroids in baseball, and perhaps the biggest surprise is how very mundane it seems. True to his word, the Senator has indeed named names (Barry Bonds used steroids!? You're kidding!), but for anyone who's even passively been following the Fall of the House of Bonds over the last two years, the 'revelation' that both the MLB and the Player's Association are to blame for nurturing the steroid culture could hardly be called a shock. Look, guys, we get it: the mid-90's were tough on the game, and so when Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire all of a sudden started hitting baseballs into North Korean airspace, nobody wanted to point out just how improbable the whole situation was. Sadly, that collective ignorance looks worse and worse as the climate continues to change, and the backpedalling and fingerpointing from all responsible grows more and more absurd. In the report, Senator Mitchell recommends that in lieu of punishment, the league should adopt recommendations to prevent performance-enhancing drug abuse from continuing into the future, and move on. This, of course, would be an actual solution, and will therefore not happen. Instead, we'll have saber-rattling and punishments handed down from those who should be owning their own responsibility in the whole matter.

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