Big Sloppy...

Top of the 8th, game tied 4-4, men on first and second, two out: Big Sloppy strikes out on a 3-2 pitch.

Everyone wants to feel bad for Ortiz. They wonder why Francona waited until his formerly known as "clutch" hitter was almost to the batter's box before pinch hitting Lowell for him in Wednesday night's Toronto game. How Francona didn't tell Ortiz he was being pinch hit for sooner to avoid the embarrasingly long walk back to the dug out. Well, answer this: How else do you send a message to the "D.H." who you already pinch hit for once this year? Ortiz didn't learn anything from that experience, apparently. He's approaching the point where his batting average just might fall below his I.Q.

And despite every opportunity for redemption, Big Sloppy continues to take late swings on bad balls that make him look older and slower than dear Mike Lowell, with his salt and pepper hair and surgically repaired hip. I'm not going to say Lowell would have drawn a walk in Ortiz's place, the way he did in Toronto...that's for the Baseball Gods to decide. No, I will say that if Lowell did strike out, he still wouldn't look as bad as Ortiz did.

Big Papi, Grimace, Silverback in a Boston uniform. Remember that King Kong didn't have sh*t on you. You were the lightning for Manny's thunder. Does Youkilis need to grow out some nappi dreads? Do you require more mango-salsa? Eye-drops? We've got plenty of eye-drops for you if that's what going to "help" again.

Seriously, I'm sure this is your warm up for the season after spending the offseason behind your 3" by 3" sunglasses, the club shirts, and of course the copyright infringing 40/40 clubs. But, unlike last season... We don't have Time for you to break out of your mental funk. Rays, Yankees, Red Sox. Rays, Yankees, Red Sox. Rays, Yankees... I'll just keep repeating myself until this is understood.

Let's discuss the Status of Free Agents: Ortiz, the Sox are not going to pick up your club option. Deal with it. In fact, right now it'd be fiscally prudent to release you and stick Lowell in your place.

Mr. Mike Lowell, I'm sorry ownership tried to ship you out of town. Let me be the first to say that, since no one else is. We are all really, really sorry about that. You knew better than to go to the Texas Rangers. I was never happier for a player failing a physical. Kudos. Now please have a talk with your team mate. Tell him that he's only brought this on himself, and that Sox fans have been patient enough for an entire month now. Enough is enough.

Ortiz, you have no idea how much I appreciate your titanic efforts in 2004. You defined clutch, and I don't care how you did it. I have no doubt you'll have a "David Ortiz Day" announced for you early next year. But really, honestly, so much as it pains me to say it...I think its time to shut it down. If not for yourself and your legacy... just do it for your fans. Make up an injury! Tell us you're actually allergic to Mango Salsa, and that it induces a peyote-like high and that's why you missed so many pitches. Tell us that your wrists are still hurt from the massive force you hit your hands together with after spitting on your gloves. Hell, you can tell me your spit turned out to be like the acid in Aliens and its actually eaten through your flesh and you no longer have hands to swing a bat with. I'll believe any of it; just retire with what little pride remains to you, and make way for a player who's head is still in the game, and can help us actually catuch up to the Rays, Yankees....to the Red Sox this team should be, not the team we've seen for the month of April.

It's the bottom of the 10th, and Miguel Tejada, who has lied about his age, and was tied to steroids himself at one point, swings at a 1-2 curveball from Delcarmen...and weakly grounds up the middle for the game winning RBI.

The Sox walked 10 times in this game. Ten. They lose 5-4.

The Sox are now 6 games behind the Tampa Bay Rays.

This Philosophy of Run Prevention is turning out to be like Contraception:

Sometimes one still squirts through.

Joe Franciosa Jr.

copyright 2010.