So can we please talk about Jason Giambi's mustache for a second? First the guy admits to wearing a gold thong when he needs to break out of a slump (it's hard to imagine that's all he's "breaking out of" in that kind of attire). And now he goes ahead and grows a full-out, mid-80s, Magnum PI mustache. Add these two nuggets to the fact that he's one of the 3 sweatiest humans on the planet, and that he's a New York Yankee, and you have the grossest person in America. Ever. Period.
But the mustache kills me. He couldn't look more like a cheap porn star if he wore the thong on the OUTSIDE of his uniform. I mean, you can't take the guy seriously. I can only imagine what prompted him to give it a try. He must have been out for a beer with A-Rod and Jeter and said, 'You know what, I'm one thing away from becoming a complete and total cartoon character, after the steroid stuff and the thong thing and the fact that I haven't been a good player in three or four years. I know. I'll grow the cheesiest mustache in baseball history." Mission accomplished.
That would actually be an entertaining poll. Best mustaches in baseball history. Rollie Fingers gets my vote for the coolest one, but Giambi would have to be up there simply for growing facial hair that hasn't been in style for more than a decade. Bonus points to Jerry Remy, though, for longest continuous mustache. Well done.
And now back to the field. So remember when I said the other day that since the Sox had won the first two games of the series in NY, you'd already have to consider the trip there a positive? Oops. All that followed was a botched bases-loaded rally against Mariano "Skeleton Face" Rivera and a loss in which some rookie with two professional hits or something drove in the winning run after Manny looked like a statue in a key situation the inning before. Not exactly what the doctor ordered. Now the Sox have to pick up the pieces after a three-win road trip that left them six games behind Tampa in the loss column. Yikes.
What's particularly scary is that this is the type of slide I can't remember last year's team going through. Although in 2004 the Sox played .500 ball for about three months before turning it on. But that team was sparked by the Nomar trade, and I can't see this team pulling off a mega-deal like that. Not that I'd complain if they found another shortstop. The trouble would be finding someone to take Lugo, who hasn't exactly lived up to his salary thus far and has two years left on it. But the best we can probably hope for is some small deal to get an arm in the bullpen, but even that can be risky, especially if you give up a prospect to rent a veteran for a few months (see Gagne, Eric). So if this team is going to find a spark, it's going to have to come from within.
But, there is hope on that front. Ortiz has been out for more than a month, and it's likely that Ramirez and Varitek will return from whatever vacation they've gone on to replace the imposters currently wearing their uniforms. Plus, Beckett hasn't been dominant yet, and Papelbon has had his ups and downs. You have to figure their luck will improve before it gets worse. Ortiz' return should provide a boost for Manny, and Varitek can't possibly hit worse than he is now down the stretch. All I have to say is thank God for Lowell, Pedroia and Youk - without the three of them this thing could look a lot worse.
But anyway, there couldn't be a better time to return to the comforts of Friendly Fenway. Let's hope the familiar clubhouse and "sleep in your own bed" theory is enough to wake the Sox from the slump.
One final strange thought: The Yankees and Rays kick off a series this week, creating perhaps the only scenario in which Sox fans have to half-way root for the Bronx Bombers. If the Yanks can take three games, the Sox would certainly benefit.
So I'd take a clean shave. I mean a clean sweep.
