Texting the truth

So moved was I by the Patriots play on Sunday night that I picked up my cell phone in the middle of the second period and punched in the following analytical text message:

Patriots = bad at football.

The most distressing fact of all is that even if I had an entire keyboard and an empty page in front of me, I'm not sure I could say anything more.

I can't remember the last time I turned a Patriots game off with more than a quarter to play, and yet there I was Sunday night, choosing to fill time flipping between the NLCS and a re-run of a pre-season basketball game that didn't even feature a team from the entire east coast rather than watch the display of inteptitude in San Diego. I really couldn't take it anymore.

I know, I know; I can guess what you're saying: "Oh my, poor Patriots fan, can't stand to watch games without their precious quarterback under center." You know what: I wish that was the case. But it's not. I'm frustrated because with Tom Brady apparently went all knowledge of how to a)cover anybody; b)block anybody or c)muster some freakin' pride and hit somebody.

That's what's most maddening: This has nothing to do with Tom Brady. An injured knee can't account for the fact that Philip Rivers sliced and diced the Pats secondary - most notably Deltha O'Neal - like he was playing Madden 09. An injured knee can't account for the fact that a team that has mounted zero pass rush all season in San Diego managed to hound Matt Cassell all night. An an injured knee can't account for the fact that Bill Belichick has been out-coached - handily - in two of the last three games the Pats have played.

Think about it: Miami threw the funky Wildcat offense at him, and he never adjusted the defense, or, perhaps more accurately, the defensive never adequately adjusted. As for Sunday night? It was clear from the first snap that San Diego wanted to throw deep to O'Neal's side of the field. And guess what? They did. Over and over. That may be more on the defensive coordinator than Belichick, but at some point it all comes back to him.

And that's the most maddening part - the Pats inability to adjust. I think at this point we've proven that Matt Cassell can throw a five-yard pass. How about 15? Maybe 20? I think it's safe to say that defenses "are on to us" as far as the dink-and-dunk screen pass offense goes. Here's my thing - you have Randy Moss, a huge target who is faster than everyone on defense, so why not throw him two or three jump balls a game. Daunte Culpepper literally made a career out of that very play. I guarantee if you take three chances downfield and throw a jump ball - I'm talking a high, arcing jump ball - Moss will come down with at least one of them. Maybe one gets knocked down. And the worst that happens is a pick, about 40 yards downfield. That's essentially the equivalent of a punt, which is usually what has followed two runs straight up the middle and one three-yard Cassell pass anyway. But that one big play can loosen the defense, opening holes for the running backs, giving Cassell time to throw and hopefully creating a touchdown or two for every 35 field goals. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of seeing Stephen Gostkowski's mug on my TV screen every 15 minutes.

So take a shot. There's all this talk about getting Moss the ball, and they've tried goofy things - wide receiver screens, reverse plays, little eight-yard slants. But why not try the play that made Moss famous and allowed him to become one of the most feared receivers in football history. Throw the ball up there and let him go get it.

But wait, there's more. I'm beginning to wonder just how many flaws Brady was able to hide. Is Laurence Maroney really this bad? It's year three, and I've yet to see anything that makes me think he's a full-time back in this league. He obviously has the skills, but he's hounded by injuries and seems to always find his way into the doghouse. How many times have you seen him carry the ball four times on the opening drive and then spend the rest of the game on the sideline? Too many to count.

And where is Ben Watson? We've been waiting for this beast of a tight end to have a breakout season for years, and you'd figure in an offense looking to maximize its short-pass potential, he'd be a No. 1 target. Granted he was wide open for a touchdown on Sunday and Cassell flat-out missed him, but that can't be the reason on every play. The next time Watson has a game that makes my jaw drop will be the first.

It's just odd to me that a team that was nearly perfect last season could look so bad. Everyone has to shoulder some of the blame, and Cassell is certainly not off the hook. He holds the ball too long, still misses wide open receivers, and is too quick to scramble sometimes (see fourth-and-goal, second quarter, Sunday). But ultimately the mess leaves me questioning Belichick. Has he lost his desire to mold a mediocre team into a juggernaut? He's done it before. If New England can win a championship with Troy Brown as it's most threatening target and Antowain Smith under center, it sure as hell should be at least competitive with Moss running the sideline and a three-headed monster of backs carrying the ground-game load. I just don't get it.

And here's the other thing: Where's the fire? I keep waiting for Tedy Bruschi to shred the locker room after one of these duds. I'm looking for Mike Vrabel to light a fire under somebody. Anybody. But what I keep seeing - even in the win over San Francisco last week - is a team full of white-and-blue clad zombies. I feel like all the emotion is in my living room.

There's time to fix things, of course. The season is only five games old, and most of the other supposed contenders - Indy, San Diego, Denver - have had their struggles at times. But I'm not encouraged yet that the Patriots are even close to turning the corner. Win or lose Sunday, I was hoping to see the playbook open up, or at least see the Patriots play with the swagger that made them one of the most hated teams on the planet.

What I saw instead was a re-run of a pre-season basketball game on some other network. I'm still waiting for a reason to flip the channel back.